Lifetime
by SaraParis
Summary: This fic shows a few moments of Alexander and Hephaistion's lifes...at first they have to fight against fears and doubts about their future!
1. The temple

_**The temple**_

Hi everybody!this is my first fic translate by Parisad :)thank you so much!  
I hope you like it it's very simple and maybe too sweet but i need comments to do better then that...and I need time to translate next chapters...

I'm very insecure...

Title: THE TEMPLE

Author: Saraparis

Paring: Alexander/ Hephaestion

Rating: Frt-13

Warnings: mild slash

Notes: Alexander, Hepaestion, their future and their doubts!

Feedback :comments please!...

Title: THE TEMPLE

The red sun was setting behind the hills, the silence only broken by the grasshoppers heralding the morning. Alexander was awaited at the banquet in the palace: the departure for the Asian campaign was impending and everyone wanted to sumptuously celebrate the days that could have been their last moments in their land. But the young King couldn't enjoy the feast if he hadn't found as soon as possible the person he was looking for.

"Alexander, come, what are you waiting for?", Kleitos shouted staggering against him: "We want to start the party!".

"Judging by your state, my friend, you have already started it…", the King answered with a faint smile: "And I think the others have done the same".  
Kleitos laughed sonorously.

"I will join you very soon, don't worry, but I must find Hephaestion first", Alexander added, anxious.

The look of his general became serious: "Hephaestion wants to stay alone, Alexander, I don't know where he is but I think he needs some time for himself".

Alexander stared at him with an inquiring look, he thought perhaps Kleitos wasn't so drunk. Kleitos added playfully, with a naughty voice, realizing he had been out of place: "Anyway, I don't think he would refuse the company of his King!".

Alexander nodded and left him: he didn't notice the eyes of his general, suddenly becoming intense and maybe sad.  
"I knew I would have find you here", Alexander whispered holding his lover from behind.

"Did you really know it?", the young man answered, amused: "Then why have I been awaiting for two hours?"

"I went to other places first, I think I would have been happier if I had found you elsewhere".

"I guess something is escaping me" Hephaestion laughed.

"This is our place and we come here to talk or we come here alone, to think", the King sighed, sitting near him.

"And do you fear my thoughts?", Hephaestion ironically asked.

"Off course not, never. Kleitos said you wanted to stay alone".

"And since when do you care about what Kleitos says?"

"Maybe since he stays around you more than he should do…"  
Hephaestion laughed, looking at the sky: "You know…"

"Or maybe because I had the same feeling", Alexander said suddenly.

The beautiful general became serious and he didn't answer, staring at the reddening sky:  
"It's so beautiful here, isn't?" he asked after a short silence.  
Alexander looked round, smiling. Their temple, he tenderly thought.  
They had found the ruins of that old building when they were still children, they didn't know what it was, but it became very soon what they wanted to believe: the ruins of a deserted temple, from the times of Akylles and Patroklos, maybe destroyed after a battle or by the rage of an angry god.

Clinging to a hill, some ivy still interwoven along the fallen capitals, a little pool, the ruins covered by flowers. The view was wonderful: they could make out every surrounding place, the brooks and the woods.  
The stars were so shining that they once believed they had found the Olympus and not only a hill. The temple was far enough from the palace to allow them to meet each other undisturbed and to be their refuge when they wanted to run away from duties and pains.  
They had spent so many nights there, entwined, trembling, thinking of their future, and yet no one had never found them, so they thought that place was special, only for the two of them.  
Their first kiss, their first time, had those ruins as witnesses, no other place would be so sacred.

"Yes", Alexander whispered. Hephaestion rested his head upon the King's shoulder:

"What was waiting us, over there, Alexander?". His voice was odd, not sad but maybe pensive. Alexander held tightly his hand and as always, when they were talking about dreams and projects, his eyes flared up: "Don't you see it, Hephaestion?", he said, getting excited: "The world, over these hills I see the world, ready to be conquered, it's waiting only for us! There are people to overthrow, cultures to know, shining palaces, gold and silver and a thousand riches, exotic places, seas and rivers we have never seen, then we will build something, I know, and it will always be remembered. I want to see those places the ancient tales were talking about, I want to create our legend. I want to write the history, Hephaestion, and at the end…" he broke off, breathless.

"Are there really the edges of the world, my love?", he continued, "Because I want to find them and to go beyond them. Will you stay with me, then?", he asked, needing reassurance. He turned slowly and he felt a painful anxiety seeing Hephaestion's eyes barely holding back the tears. He was about to ask for explanations, but his lover got in first: "It's nothing, Alexander, really", he whispered: "Every time you tell me about your dreams, you manage to make them mine too, with such an intensity…I'm afraid, sometimes". He added, hugging him: "I will be with you, you know, I will be at your side whatever you will do; but now, I'm fearing…I'm afraid", he admitted. Alexander didn't know how to answer, he knew his lover too deeply to think he was afraid of the battles, of the dangers they would face, he knew he feared something else, and honor and courage had nothing to do with that. He let Hephaestion explain himself.

"Sometimes I think the world is not enough for your dreams, Alexander. You have a passion inside you that makes you restless when you stay too long in a place, your soul burns and I want the same things you desire: glory, honor, riches, the unknown. And yet, in this moment I feel I need nothing but you. I wish the world and the time could stop here, with the setting sun, holding you. When we'll leave there won't be our temple any longer. We will never come back here, we know it but we haven't admitted it yet".

Alexander lowered his eyes, listening to Hephaestion: "You will be the King, I will be the general, and we'll have to think of so many things, maybe we'll have these moments again, but no one knows what the fate has in store for us, what changes, what destiny…".

Hephaestion's words upset the young King; holding his lover's face with his hands, Alexander looked into Hephaestion's eyes and whispered: "Enough with this, my love, please: our feelings are beyond the love, they are deep, so deep that they belong to my soul. My soul wants to conquer the world but it couldn't bear a day without you". Hephaestion avoided Alexander's eyes and he said bitterly:  
"How many lovers have said these words, have exchanged these oaths and promises and how many times has the fate respected their wishes?".  
Alexander suddenly stood up, crying: "Do you not believe my words? Do you not believe I love you more than my life?".

Hephaestion sighed, holding him with all his strength: "Off course I believe you, Alexander, but don't promise something you can't fulfill. This venture could change us, we could forget who we are now, you could be away from me, you will need an heir…". Alexander cut him off with a passionate and ravaging kiss, his hands through the hair of his lover. After some moment they parted, panting.

"I'm not promising you what I can't fulfill", Alexander whispered softly: "Maybe the things will change, you're right, we could change…So I don't promise you we will never fight, we will never part", another passionate kiss before speaking again: "But I promise you I will do everything to have you again".  
Hephaestion stared at him, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Can you promise me this?", Alexander asked, caressing his lover's cheek.

"Yes, I can", Hephaestion answered softly.

"I can't know what will happen, but if I look into your eyes I'm truly sure I will love you 'til the end".

"I will love you until the end, Alexander".  
The King smiled happily before bending his head, joining their lips in a soft touch.  
Hephaestion felt happy: Alexander had wiped out the doubts and the fears tearing his heart. Maybe the fear was still there, in a little, dark spot of his soul, ready to come back a day, but it was his human nature and he would face it again, always, for his Alexander.  
The banquet went on without the King. They made love all night under the starry sky. When the dawn came, Hephaestion quietly slept in his King's arms, and Alexander looked at him, stroking him, so as not to lose any moment of that invaluable morning. He would miss this place, he thought. He secretly wished the Elysian Fields to be like their temple, and a life spent looking for honor and eternal glory would be repaid with the eternity together, with Hephaestion, the only place where he had ever found peace.  
His lover's heart.


	2. Confusion

CONFUSION 

The Royal palace was riot of colour and music: like every night, after the taking of Babylon, the feasts were animated by dancers, poets, singers, wine and the passion's fumes saving no one amongst the guests.

The King was sitting in the throne nestled against the young Persian eunuch, by then devoid of any clearness of mind, he had put aside all inhibition to enjoy those joyful days.

Anyway all seemed to do the same, or at least almost all, since Hephaestion had left the banquet before the hall became an extension of the rooms of the generals and their lovers.

It was not a spectacle he would like too see.

Propped against the cold wall he was staring out of a great window. He smiled faintly, he had drunk too much and he felt relieved, despite the weight oppressing his soul.

Better not to think of that: he was in the mood to go to his rooms and don't think anymore, forgetting and sleeping.

He knew in the morning he would come back to him.

During the meeting with the generals he would treat him as if nothing had happened, he would keep him with a banal excuse and with sorry and guilty looks he would apologize, he would say it was the wine's fault, he would say he loved him more than any other.

"And it will start again" he whispered inadvertently.

"A sad drunk, my friend?" Kleitos asked moving closer to him, resting an arm on Hephaestion's shoulder.

Hephaestion hadn't noticed his arrival, he slowly turned his head and he looked at him without really seeing him, then he smiled again.

He liked Kleitos, he was maybe the only one in the army not waiting for him to make a mistake, to show a weakness, to suffer a humiliation, like that evening, when the King had officially introduced his beautiful eunuch and all seemed to be happy looking at the pain showed on the young general's face. He had never complained the hostility around him, he was aware of his power and he knew his relationship with the King would earn him many envies.

But sometimes he felt alone.

"No, not really, but I was starting to feel uneasy there…"

Kleitos nodded:

"I agree, orgies should be more private" he exclaimed, trying to ease that heavy atmosphere.

"What are you saying? I should be surprised to see you here and not elsewhere with a nice slave or some Persian boy!", Hephaestion said those words with some bitter irony.

Kleitos smiled and whispered in Hephaestion's ear:

"I'm glad you think of me as a good seducer, but you know, I would be loyal to you for all my life, if I got your heart…".

Hephaestion sighed, lowering his head:

"I'm drunk, Kleitos, that's true, but not enough to come to your bed".

His friend's look became hard and he moved before him, cupping his chin and staring at him with an intense look:

"Don't make fun of me, beautiful general, because I have already confided you my feelings, I don't want to disclose them again and I don't want you to change your mind, but I deserve respect", he emphasized the words with low and hoarse voice.

His lips were dangerously near Hephaestion's, but Hephaestion didn't pull away.

"I respect you more than you think…" he whispered on the other's lips. Kleitos bent down and they kissed, their tongues met slowly, then they deepened that union enthralling them with passion and intensity.

When they parted Hephaestion slumped against Kleitos's shoulder; he sighed, closing his eyes.

"I fear your drunk would be enough to take you to my bed".

"Then do it. I don't care about tomorrow, I want only to remember how is to make love with someone who loves me". His voice was weak and Kleitos felt sad.

"Alexander loves you and you love him…and I love you" he smiled "that's why I will take you to your rooms and I will put you to your bed".

"He wouldn't be jealous, I think he doesn't care…"

"You speak so because you weren't there some day ago, when Alexander told me you are his and he is yours".

"Did he say so?" Hephaestion asked, relieved.

"Yes, he did, but his tone was not so kind".

Hephaestion sighed and Kleitos held him, taking him to his rooms.

"He has suddenly fallen asleep", thought the general, and he was so beautiful with his long hair loose on the pillows: he would have stayed all night sitting in his chair watching him in his sleep, but he knew in the morning he wouldn't have any right to be there. Hephaestion would apologize, like every time their relationship exceeded the bounds of friendship, and he would come back to Alexander. Hephaestion didn't look for him, Kleitos knew that, he took advantage of Hephaestion's weakness and he was ashamed for that, but he couldn't help doing it.

Dawn was breaking and Kleitos thought he had really watched him sleeping 'til morning.

"Have you spent the night with him?", asked a voice behind him.

Kleitos swung round and stared at Alexander, on the threshold: he looked anxious, but the general was quiet.

"What if I did it?" asked.

Alexander passed a hand through his hair and inhaled deeply.

"Maybe you had the right to do it, tonight".

"I think your love doesn't deserve that".

The King didn't answer and he moved closer to his lover, brushing his hair.

"I thank you", he whispered.

He was sincere, despite his pain and his jealousy.

"I love him, maybe I can only cause him pain, but I love him".

Kleitos stood up:

"I know" he only said, before leaving.

Hephaestion woke up some moment later, Alexander was at his side smiling to him, but he didn't return the smile.

"Good morning", Alexander whispered.

Hephaestion avoided his gaze and stared into space.

"I thought you would come here later" he smiled bitterly "but maybe you are here to send me away from you".

"Listen to me", Alexander tried, but Hephaestion turn round, looking into his eyes with a painful gaze:

"I'm tired, Alexander, I will not listen to you, this once…You always make me believe that nothing has changed and when you hold me and you kiss me I really believe it, but when you go away from me I don't know you anymore and things are so different now…".

Alexander's heart stopped for a moment.

"Hephaestion, you know I…you…"

"Please, Alexander, don't remember me what I am for you, your words strike me…I've been away for two months, hate and contempt were around me, I was alone, and when I have come back I understood that our love was strong and eternal but not enough…you have replaced me with a Persian slave".

His eyes were dimmed with tears and he pulled away his King's hands.

"I want you know I don't love him…but I would do anything…"

Alexander kept his lover's face between his hands trying to appease the fear devouring him:

"Maybe this is one of that difficult moments we feared, and you're right…I promised I would do everything to have you again, and let me…"

"Alexander, maybe it would be better if…" the beautiful general whispered, beating at his lower lip, without lifting his eyes.

"What?", the King's voice was desperate and angry, now.

"Our love…we thought it was a divine and inseparable union, but now it seems so human and frail" he murmured in a whisper.

Alexander looked at him silently, his hands shivering, then he folded him in his arms:

"No, I will never let you go, Hephaestion"

He nearly cried out:

"We'll overcome this…we will find the way".

Hephaestion kept silent. His mind and his heart were a frenzy of conflicting feelings: rage, delusion, loneliness, fear, love's need, Kleitos and that kiss, the boy and the pain of the last night, the wish to forget all and the wish to remember everything, Alexander's begging look, his words, the wish to kiss him and to forgive him.

"I don't know, Alexander" he sighed, resting his forehead on the brow of the man he still loved more than everything.


End file.
